It's a variegated news day today in the Southland - and I felt that some of the day's stories needed to be recognized.
Occupy LA, in keeping with its counterpart in New York, celebrated the movement's two month anniversary (two months is, very appropriately, the port-a-john anniversary) and staged a march/rally/protest/brouhaha in downtown Los Angeles. As per usual, anything LA does plays second fiddle to most things that occur in New York. However, I would imagine that LA's chapter of the Occupy movement is a boon to the vast, pervasive homeless population of Downtown, who have now found themselves in the midst of a sudden cohort... a cohort with food. And laptops. For many in LA, the Occupy movement is just yet another reason not to go Downtown. ("Downtown? I haven't gone downtown in years!")
More interesting than LA's righteous and jobless storming the Bank of America tower (Ask them how I can get one of those debit cards with my picture on it!), were the OTHER, non-sequitir headlines:
Good on you, LA Times, for not letting these important stories fall through the cracks!
First of all, the tomfoolery with the goats and the pitbulls is just tragic. In some godforsaken part of town called Lake Los Angeles (where, upon a cursory Google Maps inspection, there appears to be no lake), some pitbulls did damage. "Animal control officers Wednesday were still looking for a fourth pit bull involved in the deadly mauling of 42 goats in the Lake Los Angeles area," says the LA Times. I, for one, demand an autopsy, because how cute are these pit bulls?
They look like they wouldn't harm a fly. Even if it was a fly on 42 live goats.
According to the article, the "mauling" occurred "at a property at 164th Street and Avenue Q." Perhaps the pit bulls, confused by the address, thought that goats were actually puppets. I know my childhood Spaniel used to eat my stuffed animals, too.
The next headline worth looking at is the one about the motivational speaker who got shot by the police... in Berkeley of all places. This is practically a line from an Alanis Morisette song. This story to me is just a further invalidation of the entire career of life coach. "Envision yourself as a strong, confident, evolved, sentient being... as you refuse to put down a gun when the police tell you to." All jokes aside, this is obviously tragic. Although I still don't know how it was related to the Occupy LA story.
And last but not least, what is to me a story of what makes America great: An effete Jew with a sibiliant 's' who attends an Ivy League school and isn't old enough to drink has almost won a school board election in the California city where two years ago he graduated from its high school. You might try to butch it up with your un-ironed shirt and unbuttoned collar buttons, but we're onto you:
What a nightmare for the La Canada High Phys. Ed. teacher - ("not 'gym', gym's the building!" spaketh Mr. White, my high school P.E. teacher) - to have the kid you terrorized because he was terrible at football only two years later effectively become your boss. This is every 98-pound weakling's fantasy.
Never mind the fact that I would think being a full-time student three thousand miles away and not being a full-time resident of your community might invalidate one's eligibility, but presumably going abroad, getting wasted at frat parties and other collegiate activities might at the very least interfere with regular attendance at school board meetings. (Not to mention, the last thing most people want to think about in college is high school.) But good on you, Andrew Blumenfeld, for committing to this civic-minded task! And at this point, you trail three-term incumbent Jeanne Broberg in an extremely close race by only two votes in a recount. You clearly are smarter and more ambitious than I... I can't even figure out how to put a tilde symbol over the 'n' to properly spell La Canada. First order of business if he wins? Speech therapy for all elementary school students with a sibilant 's'.
I always say, LA Times, that local news in the un-unified LA sprawl pales in comparison to the news of my more provincial home state Massachusetts, but today proves the exception to the rule. Tomorrow, I'm sure we're back to gang shootings and car chases. I can't wait.
Sincerely,
Dear Crabby
