For those who've been living under a giant rock locally, or a somewhat smaller rock nationally you might've missed that you, Carmageddon, is rearing its beastly head this weekend. Ubiquitous Amber alert displays on freeways (and ones I hadn't noticed were ever there on surface streets) across the city ominously warn citizens of the pending apocalypse: "Expect Big Delays, July 16 and 17! 405 Freeway closed from 101 to 10." What this means is essentially "Don't even attempt to back out of your driveway for the entire weekend or you will die." I for one, want to live. To live! And as a result I will be traveling only by foot or unicycle this weekend.
However, I want to extend my respect and admiration to the California Department of Transportation, as not only is this bold act of Shakespearean proportions bringing Los Angeles one ginormous step closer to the completion of the 405-widening project, but it is unifying what is usually an ununifiable city in an uncommonly comprehensive fashion.
I've lived in Los Angeles for almost four years, and if I've learned one thing it's that this city is beyond fractured; geographically, physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Our voter turn-out is minimal, athletic ra ra-ism is on the wane due to plummeting public opinion of the Dodgers, and the scope of the entertainment industry fails to reach far enough to unite the bejeweled Beverly Hills middle eastern women who won't make eye contact with you with the armed gang bangers of East LA who will happily make eye contact, but only because they're about to stab you.
New York, for instance, despite having as fractured a populus as Los Angeles, musters up in spite of itself a greater imperative of citizenship, a kind of civic solidarity that gives the phrase "New Yorker" a wide-ranging definition and tumescence; a transcending pace, a brashness, nationally evident (to cite an easy example) in the wake of 9/11. Bostonians, Chicagoans, even most likely Minneapolis-ians (or whatever they call themselves) can lay claim to some sort of transcendent local identity. In LA, Carmageddon has become the default conversational shoot to shit - it's the weather we don't have, the ten lanes of the Sepulveda Pass the town center we don't gather in.
Carmageddon, you've cut through LA's strong streak of self-imposed isolationism! You single-handedly have given this city a rallyying cry, a thesis, a raison d'etre! The Oscars, the Emmy's, the Golden Globes - not only predictably annual and small potatoes in import and scale, compared to you! I salute you - you have brought LA together like nothing before, and, presumably, nothing for quite some time. And to celebrate this momentous occasion, everyone who lives in Los Angeles is going to be staying home.
Sincerely,
Dear Crabby
